Causa Machill

Dezember 9, 2010

Scheiße. Alles total scheiße. Eisregen. Keine Straßenbahnen. Der Eisregen bleibt irgendwie an den Oberleitungen hängen. Ich weiß auch nicht wie er das macht. Und dann blitzt es andauernd, wenn die Bahn darunter durchschnippst und dann reißen die  Oberleitungen und alles im Arsch. Nüscht geht mehr. Keine Bahnen. Und hunderte Leute warten an den Haltestellen auf Busse. Und die kommen auch nicht. Jetzt stehen die alle an der Haltestelle und werden pitschnass und es ist sauglatt und alle frieren.

Bloß gut, dass ich mit dem Fahrrad bin und bei dem Pisswetter nicht an einer gottverfickten Haltestelle stehen muss, sondern lediglich aufpassen, dass ich mich nicht auf die Fresse lege. So wie dieser Typ  im Fernsehen. Der arme Kerl. Please, pray for Hunziker.

Assange: auch voll in die Fresse. Der hat es aber auch verdient, alter Schwede. Sich erst so Zeug klauen lassen und dann alles ins Internet stellen. Mies, einfach nur mies. Und da wollte ich eigentlich auch hin. Krass. Ich weiß auch nicht, wie ich das mache.

Also: Irgend so ein Journalistikschnösel will sich beliebt machen bei den Girls. Bei seinen Kumpels auch. Aber vor allem bei den Girls. Weil die echt heiß sind in der Journalistik. Prinzipiell immer cool, wenn sich andere die Hände schmutzig machen. Er kopiert also das Buch (428 Seiten) und packt’s ins Netz, aber da wo es keiner findet. Nur die Girls und die Kumpels.

Und sein Professor. Der findet das Buch im Netz und es gleichzeitig ziemlich „uncool“. Nicht das Buch, nicht das Netz und nicht den Schnösel. Halt einfach alles zusammen. Vielleicht auch den Eisregen. Vor allem aber die Sache mit dem geistigen Eigentum. Das ist nämlich seins. Und dass ein Schnösel mit dem zusammengeklaubten geistigen Eigentum anderer einen auf dicken Macker macht, um bei den Girls zu landen, das ist sowieso endmies. Sauscheißmies.

Professor macht also mit seinen Professoren-Buddies das einzig richtige: Dicke f-f-f-f-ette Abmahnung. Mit Anwalt und Kanzlei und Verlag. Zwar ist das scheiße für den Schnösel, wegen 2600 Euro Strafe zahlen und dass bei Studentenbude und sowieso jeden Cent zweimal umdrehen. Aber wenn ein Professor sein Geschäft verrichten muss, dann sollte er es groß machen. Heißt ja nicht umsonst: Big Bizness!

Ok. Jetzt ist die Kacke also schon voll am dampfen. Und weil der Schnösel jetzt beleidigt ist und eh nix mehr zu verlieren hat, macht er einen auf: „ey, isch hol mein Bruder!“ „Sein Bruder“ ist zwar nicht sein echter Bruder, aber im Geiste schon. Also kommt die Geschichte auf die Internetpräsenz eines Blattes aus Süddeutschland. Tenor des Artikels: Buch kaufen, Prüfung bestehen. Das klingt nach Bestechung und Erschleichung von akademischen Graden. Das bringt den Professor so ziemlich auf die Palme. Aber den Schnöseln kann’s egal sein. Wer in der Scheiße sitzt, braucht sich den Arsch auch nicht mehr abzuwischen.

Jetzt mündet das Ganze in etwas, was man politisch unkorrekt als „bitch fight“ bezeichnen könnte.  Schnösel und Professor reden erst einmal nicht mit- sondern vor allem übereinander. Der eine so: „ja, eh übelst viel Geld und so!“ Der andere so: „ja, voll Schmutzkampagne und Demontage und so!

Was ist die Moral von der Geschichte? Der Schnösel hat einen Fehler gemacht. War dumm; macht er nicht wieder. Das ist wie mit filesharing. Da weiß man auch, dass man was falsch macht. Und trotzdem machen es alle. Ok, da kann man aber zur Not noch sagen, dass die eigenen Kinder schuld  sind und man selbst eigentlich gar nicht weiß, was filesharing überhaupt ist. Hilft aber meistens auch nichts. Zahlen muss der Schnösel. Auch wenn es verdammt viel Kohle ist. Muss ich auch. Bezahlen. Bin mit 126 km/h geblitzt worden. War auch dumm. Mache ich auch nicht wieder.

Und der Professor? All we are saying, is give peace a chance! John Lennon, schlauer Mann.
Nur so ganz ungeschoren geht es dann doch nicht: Fakten sind ok, aber das hier ist keine amüsante Glosse.

Zum Glück hat Heiner Geißler sich jetzt eingeschaltet. Vielleicht schafft er es ja doch noch, dass die akademische Provinzposse ein Happy-End hat. Aber auf das Pisswetter hat das wohl keinen Einfluss.

 

Die Überschrift hat rein gar nichts mit dem Artikel zu tun und  dient nur dazu, StudentInnen von Google hierher zu locken.

Der Artikel beruht auf einer wahren Begebenheit, die beteiligten Akteure, sowie alle Links sind frei erfunden oder bei Helene Hegemann geklaut. Der Autor gibt an, beim Schreiben des Artikels nicht zurechnungsfähig gewesen zu sein. Er würde sich aber das Buch kaufen, Hauptsache er besteht die Prüfung.

Endlich! Wie lange haben wir gewartet! Nach so langer Zeit geht’s nun endlich wieder los…

was eigentlich?

der Krieg?   Schmidt’s Katze? nein, die Bundesliga! Ahh. Endlich. Und spannend wie nie. Was uns wohl dieses Jahr erwarten wird?

1. ein Meister (wohl nicht  aus dem Osten der Republik)

2.  zwei oder drei Absteiger (zum Glück auch nicht aus dem Osten)

3. Angela Merkel wird Bundeskanzlerin. Nicht Helmut Kohl, oder – Schmidt, oder gewisse Stubentiger eines der beiden.

Tja, dann bleibt  ja alles wie gehabt. Warum tun wir uns das dann eigentlich an? Ständig diese Alkoholleichen auf den Straßen, bunte wehende Fahnenwimpel, Neger, Randale,  Günter Netzer? Wahrscheinlich, weil sonst so wenig passiert.

Im Ernst: Es passiert sogar so wenig, dass die Leipziger Volkszeitung hiermit eine halbe Seite füllen konnte. Die spinnen doch. Mal im Ernst.

Let him f#*ing finish!

August 3, 2009

It’s summer and i asssume i should start writing German again. I went to Berlin the other days to see friends.  I met Americans. Only passing the café I was sitting in. So: They said, Berlin was sooo artful with sooo much history. That they tried Currywurst and that most Americans don’t really know what goes on in this part of the world. Oh My God!

Berlin is soo modern, sooo 2009! Right now, they said, Berlin is  the place to be. The Berlin people are always soo nice and laid back. And the guys are soo handsome. Aaah, Europe is such a wonderful place to enjoy life.

I assume they are right. I mean, what has really changed since Obämer?! Well, the political nonsense turned out to be disappeared. Health care reform, Iraq withdrawal, Racism debate. Gosh, Americans are soo politically correct. Now I long for people like Bush. He was such a  good guy, actually. Soo handsome and not at all pathetic.

So here is  my proposal: Let him finish. Let him FINISH! LET HIM FUCKING FINISH! Dang! Please! Because he do cares a lot of the safety and hope and chance in a peaceful world. Good Lord!

Just looking, no buying

Dezember 24, 2008

America’s new consuming culture

At first sight you would not realize that there is a financial crisis. Wherever you are in America, the malls are crowded, people jostle along, push into the shops and slowly reach the vitrines. It seems to be the normal chaos around Christmas time, the climax of American consuming culture. But something just does not seem right – and not only the shop assistants see what it is. Costumers with loads of stuffed bags leaving the shops and trip out on the street got rare. Very rare. Most Americans cut their Christmas budget in half. Enforcedly. They just look, don’t buy.

There was a saying at Wall Street: „Never bet against American consumers“ . But Wall Street was proven wrong, even in this point. Consumption in America collapsed. Retail store revenue is decreasing for more than five months already. In November that sector announced the worst figures since 1982. Hopes of betterment in December have been discarded. Retail brands as Circuit City and Linens ’n Things are bankrupt and escaped into creditor protection. But the little stores are the ones that suffer the most. The owner’s despair can be seen in the ridiculous discounts they offer to woo customers to the stores. With only little success. Only the large discount department stores, like Wal Mart, withstand the recent crisis. It even seems as they would win customers. Small businesses can not keep up with these stores, even if they allow record discounts.

American Middle class wages remained static over the past years, despite the economic boom. Anyway, the US citizens were constantly consuming , piling up more and more debts, very convenient with their credit cards. Nowadays, many families suffer under enourmous burdens.  They have to bring up a vast part of their income only for redemption.  And banks are stingy with loans these days. Loans and credits were the incitement of the American consuption process. Without them the system will collapse. Even mass suspension, that dominate the news day by day impede the propensity of American citizens. Never since the Great Depression in the late 1930’s and 40’s Americans were more worried about loosing their jobs than now. The infinite confidence fades away. And thus, even the declining gas prices that remarkably  disburden most households for the past months, do not create new consumption impulses.

And the fervid snow storms of the last days who tied up large parts of the country, swept away the last hopes of the retail stores. And so, the worst Christmas business since decades comes finally to an end. Many stores are open 24/7 up until Christmas Eve.  Just another act of desperation fighting for deranged costumers.

This article is a loose transcript of an article published in „Süddeutsche Zeitung“ on dec. 23, 2008

BUSA

Oktober 30, 2008

alright, herewith I declare the election to be decided. Mr. Obama is ahead by about 8 points and Mr. McCain’s policy has failed. It would have been funny though, if McCain and his pal (in) got elected. But rather dangerous,too.

Even my home state tends to Obama. Lovely. So finally we will have a president who is Black, a terrorist and kills American children.

But hey, Mr. McCain is in office since 1986 [neintien äiti siks]. There is always a time to retire. Oh gosh, i am so tired and there is no place to sleep. Love you all.

A few weeks ago I said that Obama was chosen to run for president because Americans rather favor a Black guy to govern them as a woman. Personally, I am a great fan of Ms. Clinton, but I quite fancy Mr. Obama too. I met him in Berlin this summer and I could literally feel his breath – so closewas I.

Obama in Berlin

Back to the subject. There has been a lot of talking these days about racism, terrorism and most of all sexism. Well, there is a load of sexism in the current electoral debate, but one thing is not. Sure, Ms. Palin should turn more attention to her dressing expenses [ an apron would be enough most times], but honestly, women do not have the opportunity to wear suits all day. Wait a sec. Actually that is sexism.

But the following will not be: Sarah Palin is totally unqualified to be the secondmost important person in the White House. And if you ask why I as a German spend so much time thinking about this, let me tell you, I am Americas greatest fan and closest ally (after UK, Poland, Israel)

One main issue of feminist movement is that a mediocre woman can make the same career as a mediocre man. Exactly this Ms. Palin managed to do now. Happy? Nah!

Ms. Palin has not been neither chosen for being a woman nor being mediocre. She pursues a policy of fascist abortionism and with that Mr. McCain wants to bribe the evangelical right that did not favor his position too much. Sure, they might have voted for him at Nov. 4, but they would not have been working voluntarily for him, funding his campaign or recruit friends and family for him. But what do people like in Sarah Palin? They simply like her. They can build up a relationship to her, because she is so normal, so charming and seems to be so enthusiastic. Well, if she would be my neighbor, I would like her, too. But vote for her because she is like me? Oh, Sarah Palin is a mother. I am a mother, that’s why I vote for her. This is irresponsible. Eight years ago they voted for a guy who was like them – a very bad idea, as we know now.

If there had been a (vice-)president Hillary Clinton, she had spoken out for the women’s right for pro-choice, she had observed the maintaining of antidiscrimination laws, and many national programms, that women have benefits from. With Sarah Palin they vote for the opposite. Other than her „women can do anything they want to“ image, there is not much, her political pursues are not healthy for American womenhood. Most female political leaders around the globe (such as Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel, Simone Veil, Kim Cambell) were not elected for being mothers. They never had to accent their appearence or made concessions to conventional women images. Ms. Palin is utterly different: She embodies an old American image of women – a tough, rustic Wild West gal with a gun in the one hand and a baby in the other.

Did Hillary Clinton fail on America’s media sexism? Maybe not. She made fundamental mistakes in her campaign. She bears responsiblity for that. Granted, she had to face a bunch of sexism in the media. Rush Limbaugh drew a shamful image of himself by portraying Ms. Clinton as a aged woman. But also others deadpanned about her laugh that has been often discribes as „cackle„. There have been Hillary nutcrackers where people could crunch theirs nuts between her steely thighs. And when she was close to a tear in a New Hampshire campaigning event the media asked: is she hard enough to take the military leadership of this country? Nobody had asked this if there was a man.

Concerning the Republican relationship to women, there is massive hypocrisy at the moment. Republican leaders mourn now all days about the sexism against Sarah Palin that they pretended not to be there against Hillary Clinton. Ms. Palin was a strategic nomination, leaving much more qualified Republican Senators like Olympia Snowe or Susan Collins out.

What’s wrong with America’s feminism? Fourty years ago, newspapers seperated the appointment sections in jobs for men and jobs for women. Married women were not allowed to have credit cards, for unmarried women it was hard to get contraceptives. Women were supposed to be married within a week from their graduation. They had opportunity to enjoy their freedom, to find out who they are, to travel, manage their own lives. A life in lockstep: college – marriage – children – depression – divorce. Only after the late Sixties women pursued their career with sincerity, removed taboos of premarital sex, abolished the stigma of divorce. It was no shame to have a child born out of wedlock. Domestic violence and abuse were considered as crimes – before that those issues were considered as something between trivial offense and own liability of the victim. Despite all these acquisitions young women don’t seem to realize that their right for abortion can be taken away from them anytime. Probably nobody doubts a woman’s right to take an employment. No homosexual needs to hide anymore and single mothers will be there further on. Modern feminists fight for other goals such as what career opportunities they have in their company, what happens when they get children or how to put through same wages for same work. For modern women, feminism means that you cannot tell another woman what shoes to wear. Modern feminism means that any woman has the right to make her own decisions, which brings it to confrontation when it comes to women like Sarah Palin.

You got to be aware that decisions are very likely not to be free. When a woman says that she is having a breast enhancement to raise her self-esteem you have to ask: In what kind of society do we live where women need to boost their feelings of self-worth by undergoing with a fully healthy bodya riskful, expensive and painful surgery? I wouldn’t explain her that she has a wrong image about herself, but I would ask questions: Why are you doing that? What’s behind all this? What do you expect? Is that really the best way to gain your goals?  Feminism is not only about individual self-fulfillment but also, that women support and help each other. Sarah Palin is not doing this. With her abortion hostility she forces other women to do what she wants. She would disposess them of decision making and the capacity to act.

Under another Republican administration, it is highly possible that the Supreme Court will reapeal the right for abortion. Subsequently the federal states will regulate abortion rights on state level which would lead to a Patchwork of states like California or New York, where abortion is legal, and others , such as South Dakota or Louisiana, where it is illegal. Side note: most states in the world tend to liberalisation of abortion rights. But the US fancy not sticking to the rule.

Personally, I would vote democrat. In the beginning i really favored Hillary Clinton. But when her husband started to participate in the election campaign, i figured that it is not the right way. America needs new people in the government. With the Clintons, also their old posse had moved into the White House. You never vote only for the front man (or woman). But finally it is important how a politician takes on his or her office. And one thing seems to be clear. If the Republicans loose the elections, there will be one who is to blame: and this’ll be Ms. Palin. And this would be sexism. I guess.

PS.: the reason for writing this article was the following video.

Dear Mister President…

Oktober 4, 2008

One thing is clear: It will be either Mr. McCain or Mr. Obama. One of these two will be the next presidente delle stati Uniti (Italian). Well, another thing is clear two: both must be suffering infantile disturbances that can only be compensated with the White House gleaming.  Well, here are the facts: The incumbent’s heritage is solely a catastrophy, especially for the American people. Out of a sudden Mr. Bush sets a date for the troop withdrawal from Iraq, sends leading representatives to talks with Iran and by now it is no problem at all to gamble with North Corean rogues about nuclear disarmament.

Facing the recent financial bancrupt, Mr. Bush – former darling of Wall Street and Free Market fetishist – turns into a state intervener and highest regulator. Karl Marx would certainly get in a flap with the socialist in the White House. But the late conversion of the believer Bush will not make it any easier for his successor.
Whoever will be elected, he will be set up in front of a pile of shards. More than that – a powder keg that could explode anytime. The United States is a broke poorhouse. The total collapse was covered with billions of loaned Dollars from China. America is hopelessly plunged in debt. Due to the credit card mania even every single American citizen is in the red. „Made in USA“ is a long-forgotten term. The industrial sector stands in ruins. Most imports are on the nod. Only one sector seems to run most well:Military weapons. And as it seems with the upcoming war with Iran – they will continue making money. It will be only a matter of time until Israel will ask the next president to engange in a air strike against Iran. The special missiles and radar units were recently delivered to Tel Aviv. More soldiers will die in Iraq, even more in Afghanistan. And soon in Pakistan as well. Without a mission of ground forces against the Taliban stronghold the war in Afghanistan will become even more devastating and abortive than it is already. And above all – with the American missile defense shield in Poland and Czech Republic, America will lose Russia as a mediator for Afghanistan and Iran. It seems that America will be fundamentally isolated after eight years of Bush administration. Russia would be a great advisor how to withdraw troops from Afghanistan (since they went in there in the 80’s) and could negotiate with Iran, but America is yet too proud to take supportive help. Only Europe’s heads of state and government will be bound to send a notional care package for the United States‘ next president. Both Mr. McCain and Obama will be doomed to failure without massive international help – even he would be a statesman as Kennedy.

By any chance, do you happen to know what a Palindrome is? It is something that you can read both backwards and forwards. Such as „mom“ or, uh, „dad“ ( I must utterly dissapoint you, but I am not very productive in English language, but some might say I am not, uh, very productive at all, but anyway). Mark Twain (great American author) was there much more productive („Madam, I’m Adam“). Anyhow, I was going to talk about Palindromes and not about productivity. So…. Uhm. Palindrome. Ah, yeah, there is this man, that everybody hates, but I never dissimulated liking him. That is because he has such a cuteypattotey nose. When he (the man) gets serious (very often in the last months), he knits his eyebrows and kills you with his undying look telling his folks that he is not the one to blame. Some might say, he is a twit. I say: „he is what we need“. However, in a very few days (about a hundred from today) this wonderful cutie will not be anymore. That is why there has to be found a new twit that needs to be cuddled. I found her already. And a senior citizen of my beloved second home found her as well. She might be the sexual and geographical opposite of Mr. White House, but she has the same nose. That’s all what counts.

She has entirely no clue about what the Bush doctrine is (spread democracy in undemocratic countries and stuff), but that is ok. I mean, I don’t know what the Bush doctrine is. Neither do Ahmed (the camel driver) or Khadidsha (his wife?). I was amazed by Charly Gibsons side comments, saying that he got „lost in a blizzard of words there“. Honestly I got trapped in a hailstorm of nonsense, but I am sure, both Charly (Evanston, IL) and Sarah (Alaska) know what they were talking about, since they have more blizzards and hailstorms that I do over here.

In another recent interview, Ms. Palin was critized for her misinterpreted proximity of the US to Russia. Instead of giving a political answer she laid it out in a more geographical way. She was initially sneered at for such comment, but I (martin…) say, she is mega-ultra-f-ing right. Boiling it down, there is not more than 53 miles between our (your) state and the other state (Russia), both politically and geographically. When Mr. McCain would be elected to the White House in January, trust me, my friends, Ms. Palin will stand constantly in the icy shore of our state and wave in stiff headwind to Mr. Meddlewedudew (whatever the name of Putin’s successor is) on the other side. Facing the facts, that’s what I say. In that way: Merry elections and happy new years.

Das will ich auch mal haben

September 27, 2007

Es ist schon verdammt lange her, dass ich im Kino war. Das letzte Mal habe ich mit einer Freundin „Transformatorers“ geguckt. Und da hätte ich gerne ein wenig Popcorn gehabt. Leider kostet das Unmengen [an Geld] und außerdem sind Nachos viel lekker (in korrektem deutsch: leckerer). Nun, warum ich das alles schreibe? Hat keinen Grund. Wirklich. Das ich das Wort „Ja-Pal-Nenos“ benutze, allerdings. Halt! Doch nicht.

Ich muss morgen in die mündliche Prüfung und ich bin heute schon um 7 Uhr aufgestanden, um beim neuen Bäcker einzukaufen. Und jetzt ist es nach 10 Uhr und ich bin müd‘. Ich würdegern ein IPhone haben. Nicht, um es zu nutzen, sondern nur, um es zu haben. So wie der Kerl von der New York Times. Der hat mich beeindruckt, weil er da arbeitet, wo ich auch arbeiten will, viel Geld kriegt und auch noch lustig ist. Grins.

Naja, ich hoffe, ich kann sein Video hier einstellen.

Naja, irgendwie anscheinend nciht. NYT halt. Dafür geht das hier.

Ich entschuldige mich für meinen äußerst dä(„h“)mlichen und inhaltlosen Beitrag bei allen, die sich vor die Nase gestoßen gefühlt haben. Es möge nie wieder passier’n.

Nochmals eine ehrliche Entschuldigung.